Friday, 27 September 2013
Tuesday, 24 September 2013
My name is Sam. My life is confusing. I don't expect anyone to see these and i really hope no one does. It's more of an emotional venting place i guess. As gay as that sounds
Hey what's up Sam. No one will ever read this so I guess I should really only address myself. So yeah right now my life involves anime, games and a girl. Probably mostly the girl. Her name is Jess. She is so amazing but can confuse the hell out of me. I think there's a chance that we're dating right now or she's dating another guy. She manages to twist my heart in ways i didn't know was possible. I love her and hope I always do even if she doesn't like me. She has really bad bipolar and can be pretty depressed and has almost done an unmentionable thing (that i really don't want to talk about) too many times. It pains me to see her so sad so often without me being able to do anything. She doesn't deserve anything bad and yet there has been so much bad that has happened to her. She's talked to me many times when she was on the edge of doing something and she hurts herself sometimes.
On a brighter note here is the things that I love about her and that make me happy. Ok so she has the greatest personality I've ever seen or thought possible. She has gotten me into so many games and anime and me and her used to be Achievement Hunter/Rooster Teeth buds but I don't know if she really likes them so much anymore. She has an amazing sense of humour which sometimes can match mine in many ways which is always good. She also takes it on herself to help others in trouble even know her problems are probably worse than theirs by like 1000000% which is kind of a bad thing because she needs more help but it shows just how amazing her heart is. I know what you're thinking. This girl is so amazing! But wait she gets better. Not only does she have the most amazing personality but she also has the most beautiful face and body. Her eyes are so incredible i can't help but smile everytime i look into them, they're just so amazing. Her mouth is so pretty and she has an unbelievable smile that brightens up my day everytime i see it. She has long dark hair that is soooooo beautiful and frames her face amazingly. She is of Russian and British descent as far as my understanding goes. You might be wondering "what do you mean as far as your understanding goes?" well let me tell you something. Her background and backstory is shrouded in a lot of mystery and she doesn't like to talk about the past much. I know her parents were into some weird stuff and as far as i can tell Jess has something in the past that she deeply regrets and won't ever talk about.
Now here is some more sad stuff. So yeah i mentioned she hurts herself which means she cuts. She says she has given up on life and every day I'm with her I try to change that by attempting to give her a purpose but, you see, I'm not in control of her life and really only she can really help herself right now. One day very recently she forgot to take her meds in the morning and she came to school and i won't really say much about this but she hurt herself in front of me and by the time i knew what she was doing she was already done. As you can imagine seeing the love of my life do that in front of me threw me off a bit and made me go a bit weird. She has said before that I've saved her life when messaging her which made me feel kinda good but also like I need to message her every day because I know that one of those days it could happen again and I could be there to save her again. She means the world to me and I just want to see her happy again. I've told her countless amounts of times how i feel about her and she says she loves me and stuff but then she is with other guys and yeah all of this really hurts my head. I guess that is the reason I made this blog. Just to get some stuff out of my head. Right now even if my heart's confused I know i need to stay strong and positive for her. Looking back at this message which was meant to sum up my life right now she also pretty much takes up most of my life which I don't mind. My parents don't really want me getting involved with her too much because they think she'll hurt me if something happens which is probably true but I don't care I never want to stop loving her. And I will fight as hard as I can to make sure nothing happens to her. After all that's really all I can do and all that I desire. I love her so much. She is my Scallywag and I am her Dork (long story). - Dork Out
On a brighter note here is the things that I love about her and that make me happy. Ok so she has the greatest personality I've ever seen or thought possible. She has gotten me into so many games and anime and me and her used to be Achievement Hunter/Rooster Teeth buds but I don't know if she really likes them so much anymore. She has an amazing sense of humour which sometimes can match mine in many ways which is always good. She also takes it on herself to help others in trouble even know her problems are probably worse than theirs by like 1000000% which is kind of a bad thing because she needs more help but it shows just how amazing her heart is. I know what you're thinking. This girl is so amazing! But wait she gets better. Not only does she have the most amazing personality but she also has the most beautiful face and body. Her eyes are so incredible i can't help but smile everytime i look into them, they're just so amazing. Her mouth is so pretty and she has an unbelievable smile that brightens up my day everytime i see it. She has long dark hair that is soooooo beautiful and frames her face amazingly. She is of Russian and British descent as far as my understanding goes. You might be wondering "what do you mean as far as your understanding goes?" well let me tell you something. Her background and backstory is shrouded in a lot of mystery and she doesn't like to talk about the past much. I know her parents were into some weird stuff and as far as i can tell Jess has something in the past that she deeply regrets and won't ever talk about.
Now here is some more sad stuff. So yeah i mentioned she hurts herself which means she cuts. She says she has given up on life and every day I'm with her I try to change that by attempting to give her a purpose but, you see, I'm not in control of her life and really only she can really help herself right now. One day very recently she forgot to take her meds in the morning and she came to school and i won't really say much about this but she hurt herself in front of me and by the time i knew what she was doing she was already done. As you can imagine seeing the love of my life do that in front of me threw me off a bit and made me go a bit weird. She has said before that I've saved her life when messaging her which made me feel kinda good but also like I need to message her every day because I know that one of those days it could happen again and I could be there to save her again. She means the world to me and I just want to see her happy again. I've told her countless amounts of times how i feel about her and she says she loves me and stuff but then she is with other guys and yeah all of this really hurts my head. I guess that is the reason I made this blog. Just to get some stuff out of my head. Right now even if my heart's confused I know i need to stay strong and positive for her. Looking back at this message which was meant to sum up my life right now she also pretty much takes up most of my life which I don't mind. My parents don't really want me getting involved with her too much because they think she'll hurt me if something happens which is probably true but I don't care I never want to stop loving her. And I will fight as hard as I can to make sure nothing happens to her. After all that's really all I can do and all that I desire. I love her so much. She is my Scallywag and I am her Dork (long story). - Dork Out
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